I have bad eyes. Now when I say bad…I’m not talking “I need to squint in order to recognize people”-kinda bad. More in the vein of “Without glasses or contacts everything is an Impressionist/Abstract painting”-sorta bad.
So when the opportunity arose to get some laser eye surgery done – this mama was chompin’ at the bit.
After having a kid, it feels like any extra step in my self-care routine is just taking time away that could be spent..y’know..sitting/eating/sleeping. And having zero bridge to my nose makes wearing glasses a huge hassle since they just constantly slip down my nose irritating the bejeezus out of me.
I was mentally prepped for my eye ordeal. Or so I thought.
I knew what it entailed. I did the research. I popped an ativan for good measure.
After arriving at the clinic sans makeup and wearing my glasses I went through the prep by talking with a clinical counsellor and getting ready for the procedure. I didn’t really feel nervous until I had to sign a bunch of consent forms. You never really want to see the words ‘possible blindness’ or ‘chances of death are..’ in anything that you put your John Hancock on but hey its all a part of the process.
All I could think about was how amazing it would be to wake up in the middle of the night, be able to see the kidlet on his video monitor, roll over and go back to sleep. Or how great it would feel to go swimming without needing to worry about losing a contact. Or that I’d be much less of a liability should a zombie infestation happen to occur.
Anyhoo – when all was said and done and I was lying on the table in the OR…the nerves did start to kick in. I had two stress balls they had given me that I’m pretty sure I was squeezing the life out of while they applied the numbing drops and then suctioned my one eyeball ready to go. Its pretty darn unnerving to have your eyelid forced open and yet lose your vision for a bit.
As I was readying myself for my brand new eyes…the least thing I needed to hear was the Doc mutter “Hmm…I’ve never seen this before..” To which I shakily responded “Should I be worried?!”
Basically as I lay there with my one eye pried open and a suction cup sticking to it…they discovered that the laser decided to malfunction. For the first time. Ever.
All together now – WTF!?
Basically the story ends with me NOT getting my new super eyes and instead having to reschedule. They couldn’t use the other laser for me since my eyes are just that bad. Ugh.
More than anything else it was a huge letdown. Not to mention a bummer since I had victoriously thrown away all my contact lenses before my appointment in a pre-emptive happy dance.
What are YOUR experiences with laser eye surgery?!