You may recall a few postings back that our lil family was gearing up for the dive into daycare. We had done all we thought we needed to prepare, had been fortunate enough to get a spot in our desired facility and I had some awesome job opportunities lined up. Things seemed amazingly in tune with the universe.
Until we decided that daycare just wasn’t the right fit for our family at this point. Dun dun dun.
Like with many choices as a parent, I found myself guilt-ridden no matter which option we took. Am I the only Mom out there that feltguilty at the drop of a dime?!
Finding a job you love – guilty, you are abandoning your child to the care of others, missing out on his growth
Staying at home to care for baby – guilty, you are not fulfilling your ‘potential’, not bringing in dizzough
Using disposable diapers, feeding store-bought baby food, forgetting sunscreen, not using flash cards, using flash cards.
Guilty, guilty, guilty!
You know what? I say bye bye to guilt! I’m over you! I no longer bend the knee to your frown-inducing, brow-furrowing and overall wrinkle-causing ways.
I thought that Baby H would benefit greatly from being around the other babies and having constant socialization. Which, at the end of the day, he definitely would. But when it came time to actually being able to part with him at 9 months, I realized I still want this time with him. He is still a baby and I’ll never get this time back and the time really DOES fly by.
All tired cliches aside, I felt tremendously happy and just lighter when I FINALLY came to the conclusion that:
1) I don’t need to plunge headfirst into a full-time career immediately
2) We don’t need to push Baby H to be any more independent than he already is
3) I’m fortunate enough that I can stay at home and spend this time with him
4) Our family is making the decisions that are the best for us and not necessarily anybody else
But to get there the most important step was to crush the guilt. Just destroy it. It wasn’t making any decision-making any easier.
I realize there will be many challenges waiting for me as a SAHM (more fodder for blog posts!) Life isn’t going to be all baking, shopping, lunches and playdates…
And I am still a strong believer in the positive aspects of daycare – we still have him on the list for when he is older.
But for right now, I just want to spend every waking moment smooshing his cheeks 🙂
And not feeling guilty about it one way or the other!
What do you feel guilty/not guilty about? How have you coped (or not) with the guilt?