Before you bash my eighties grade-school slang, let me explain.
At a tender 5 weeks of age, I took H to get his passport photo taken. This was no vanity shot for kicks, however. We were to travel to Florida at his 3 month mark and we needed to get the kid some legit ID. And so I begrudgingly bundled him up and off we went.
The location we went to shall remain unnamed (in Vaughan Mills shopping centre, hint hint).
All the parents must have been at the watercooler at Passport Canada when they decided on the photo regulations for infants.
1. No closed eyes. When bubs was screaming his head off he did so with his eyes firmly clenched shut, thank you very much.
2. No shadows. Since the *insert sarcastic tone here* fine establishment that I went to did not have an infant-friendly way to do this – I had to balance H on one knee while holding him upright WITHOUT my hands showing in front or around his neck…let me tell you there were plenty-a-shadow cast while i wavered to and fro with struggling child on lap.
3. No open mouth. Hmmm. This one is laughable. While H was screaming with discomfort at being propped like a hand puppet, the obviously childless uni student working the camera proceeded to wave and bang a loud tamborine about 2 cm away from his face. Making him scream more. With his mouth open.
4. No smiling. Ah I see, so having a happy child is unacceptable for crossing the border. It’s a good thing there was nothing about the experience that would warrant even a hint of a smile. So we had this one in the bag.
All robot children report here! Perhaps you can teach my wriggly, screaming child to sit still for his photo.
Instead, StylinMommy was the antithesis of calm and left 1 hour later with eyeliner smudged across her cheek (Makeup Forever liquid liner in onyx natch) and a red-faced babe in tow. But…Success! I gripped the passport photo in hand as though it were the winning Lottomax ticket.
Overall H was a trooper and we ended up with what has to be one of the funniest passport photos ever – as you can see from his expression he was NOT amused.